This satire originally appeard at Neue Rheinische Zeitung. Translated for RI by Ricky Twisdale
Wolfgang Bittner is a writer and lawyer. His book “The Conquest of Europe by the USA” (Die Eroberung Europas durch die USA) was recently published.
From trustworthy intelligence sources it has become known that China intends to enter a defensive alliance with several South American countries in the near future. As a defensive measure against a possible missile attack from Iran or North Korea, it is planning to station a missile-defense system on Mexico’s border with the United States. Medium-range ballistic missiles, which can be equipped with nuclear warheads, will be incorporated into the defensive system.
Furthermore, China intends to establish military bases in several Central American countries as well as Canada and Cuba. In cooperation with Russia, a missile-defense shield and long-range ballistic missiles are to be placed on the northern Siberian border in order to be able to effectively counter possible attacks from rouge states.
The U.S. government has condemned this plan as a genuine threat and protested sharply against it. Washington has announced that it will immediately take corresponding defensive measures against a military encirclement of the United States. It will likewise put a stop to attempts to destabilize the United States through subversion, of which it had been aware for quite some time.
Their first action will be to deport the representatives of several nongovernmental organizations that are accused of constantly interfering in domestic affairs. U.S. authorities also report acts of espionage on behalf of foreign powers, as well as attempts to instigate the separation of Alaska, California, Florida, and Hawaii from the United States.
For some time Mexico has demanded the return of territories that years ago were annexed by the United States contrary to international law. This includes Texas, California, Arizona, New Mexico, Utah, Nevada, and parts of Colorado and Wyoming. The U.S. president has declared to officers of the U.S. Military Academy at West Point that this is a misrepresentation of history and a totally unacceptable claim. It was not the United States that annexed these territories but Mexico, which had already illegally taken possession of them through genocide of the indigenous population – that is, the Native American population. In the event of border a problem, he said, the United States will answer militarily.
In Mexico as well as the United States a media propaganda battle has raged for several days. In Mexico it is said that the “thieving Gringos” are reacting hysterically to the stationing of missiles and territorial demands instead of negotiating. They imagine they can constantly expand their sphere of influence and subjugate other peoples. For just this purpose, he said, this country “under God” is maintaining thousands of military bases around the world. Against these accusations the U.S. media marches in lockstep, speaking of a treacherous politics of conquest on the part of the “slant eyes,” “Chinks,” and “Russian bastards.”
The exact causes of the increasingly escalating conflict cannot be clarified. The European Union and, with it, Germany, have aligned themselves with the United States. In the meantime, the German chancellor has had multiple telephone conversations with the Chinese and Russian presidents in an attempt to mediate. The presidents of Bolivia and Venezuela have warned that a further escalation could lead to a third world war and a confrontation of nuclear powers with unforeseen consequences.